Prayer

Today...God just blew my mind.

More than 2 years ago, in May 2009, while I was still working at a radio station, a listener emailed us, trying to find out what song she had heard. Being the music director, it was my responsibility to reply to her.

In her email, she explained the reason she was looking for the song. She was due to have brain surgery in a few weeks due to a tumour, and was preparing things just in case. In other words, preparing her funeral.

Now, one of the things I was so excited to see at this radio station, was that they pray every day, without fail. For staff, for listeners, for other stations, for whoever needs prayer. So in my response to this lady, I told her that we meet together to pray every day, and would she like me to add her to our prayer list. Yes, she would.

So I explained the situation in an email and she was added to our prayer list and we prayed for her. That was that.

Now, more than 2 years later, when I have just finished work at that station and moved into a new job/career, I receive an email.

This lady, had emailed the station again, explaining that 2 years ago she had been offered prayer but couldn't remember who she spoke to, and to say that she had had the surgery back in 2009, which had actually been her second round, and the tumour had been removed. She had some further complications earlier this year, but all was well now and she wanted to find some work. The staff continued to pray for her and she found some work.

In her next email, the last thing she said was, "I really wish I could remember who I had contact with, because I really wanted to thank her".

Wow. God just blows me away. I feel so incredibly humbled and I can't explain why, but my reaction was to just cry and be in awe of God. I had forgotten about that request and prayer, but God didn't. I feel like it was such a small thing on my part, not worthy of mention, but God made that seemingly small offer, a significant event in this lady's journey. Yet again, I underestimated the power of prayer. I think we sometimes feel like there's nothing we can do, or we don't know what to do, so we 'just' offer to pray for someone. We downgrade it's importance. But isn't that the point of prayer? We can't do anything, we don't know what to do, but God does. So we rely on Him, we admit our need for Him, we come to Him with our requests and hand things over to Him. He is God. Where we can't, He can. Where we don't know, He knows.

It was such a simple, seemingly small response to a song query, but what if I hadn't offered prayer that day? What about the times I've neglected to pray for someone when I could of, or when I was prompted to? What about the times I've kept quiet instead of saying, we should pray, or can I pray for you? By passing up on prayer, we pass up on tapping into the incredible power of the same God that created this universe, that created you and me, that raised Jesus from the dead. Why would we, how could we pass up on that?

God just reminded me of how big He is, yet how involved He is with every aspect of our lives, and how important prayer is.

We may not always hear the end result, as I was blessed enough to today, but we can be assured that our prayers our heard, every single one, and that they can break through all circumstances. There's nothing to lose, so just pray.

Little By Little

I came across this journal entry today, I'd written it nearly two months ago, but it came at the right time and is certainly still relevant in my life.

Journal Entry - written 21-11-2010:

Exodus 23:29-30

"But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you. Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land."

God does things in His timing, not mine, because He knows what is best, what I can handle. Just as He doesn't allow bad things and temptation beyond what I can handle, He doesn't allow victory/good things beyond what I can handle, beyond what I am ready for. He does things little by little, so that in that time, I can increase. Increase in strength, in faith, in Him, until I am ready to fully take possession of what He has for me. Habits are driven out, obstacles are driven out, little by little, until I am ready to handle the victory, the result.
It's not to say that God can't change things in an instant, there are times He does. But God's timing is not ours and "the Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness, He is patient with you" (2 Peter 3:8-9).
In Psalms it says we are given (through the Word) a lamp for our feet. We are given just enough light to see the next step. Once we take it, the next one will be revealed. Step by step, little by little.
If something doesn't happen straight away, I can be assured that it will happen (in line with God's will). It is because I am being prepared. So the question I need to ask is 'what are You teaching me right now God, what can I do to prepare for the next step, what can I do to prepare for the ultimate victory?."


I'm so glad to be reminded of this. I get so easily frustrated and impatient when things don't happen right away! Or I continue to question, what's my ultimate purpose, what's my end result, where will I end up? But instead, I need to realise that God has placed me where I am, right now, for a reason. And that I should be giving this time all I've got, while asking God, what is it that He wants to teach me, what is it He wants me to do right now, to prepare for the blessings and the calling He has for me in the future.

Step by step. Little by little. Increase me oh Lord, until I am ready to take possession of all You have planned for me.

God's gift to me

I've been back in Australia for about 2 weeks now.

Since leaving Rwanda, and being back, I've been trying to figure out how I feel. I cried when I left the orphanage. I cried when I got on the bus to Kigali and left Gisenyi. I cried when the plane took off. But after that, it suddenly felt removed from me. Rwanda and the weeks I'd spent there and all the memories and experiences that I had, suddenly felt like a dream and felt out of my grasp. I felt numb. And that's the way it's stayed since. I've been missing Rwanda of course and the people, the friends I made. It's been hard to not be with them. But I still felt I was in some kind of surreal emotional limbo, where I couldn't feel much, I didn't cry, I didn't feel sad as such, I just didn't feel much at all. It's been confusing. And I can't really describe it in words, so I'm afraid I can't communicate it very well!

Some amazing connections and opportunities have been opening up since I got back and I've started to see amazing generosity from people as well, wanting to help out the orphanage. This has been my source of joy. I'd come to realise the last few days that behind everything, I had this persistent unhappiness, and that was the first emotion I could grasp onto, the first bit of clarity I had about how I was feeling. Unhappiness that I'm not in Rwanda. A feeling of detachment from anything here in Australia. But amongst that, I have had immense joy over these doors opening up with charities, schools, etc. and people here. It's keeping me going.

Then last night, after excitedly telling people at home about these amazing connections and opportunities, I went upstairs to go to bed, and as I was getting ready, I was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness and how much I miss Rwanda and the orphanage. The first tears since the plane took off, burst out. I just cried and cried, hurting over the fact I wasn't with them. In a way, it was a relief. It was what I'd been waiting for, some sort of release of emotion. But it still hurt. I then just started to pray for the kids, for the orphanage, and for a way to get back over there as soon as possible. I started to feel calmer as I did this, and felt God say that because He loves me, and because He loves them (the orphans), that He will give me whatever I ask for. So boy did I start praying! But it's true, when you pray for things in line with God's will and pray in Jesus' name, God answers - not always in the same way you imagined, or on your time, but He answers and He comes through, always.

This morning, I woke up, and that feeling of sadness sat in my heart and I felt like it was going to be a hard day. I was barely up and I was having a hard day. I was missing them terribly. I've been able to communicate via email and once or twice phone, with some of them. But Jean Baptiste, who I wrote about in my GVN blog, the 16 year old who I connected with and vice versa, who I want to give the world to and has my heart, I hadn't been able to contact him. He had written down his email for me and it kept bouncing back. Apparently he had tried to email me as well but I was getting nothing. It had been a major source of frustration, not being able to communicate with him. So as I went about getting ready this morning, feeling weighed down with sadness, I asked God to help me today, and told Him that what would really make me happy today would be to get an email from Jean Baptiste. I had asked the night before as well, to please fix this email problem! So that was all I asked for today, for His help and to give me an email from Jean Baptiste.

I got to work, and before I settled in, I opened my email account and sitting there, was an email from none other than Jean Baptiste. I can't tell you the level of excitement and joy I had at that moment, seeing his name in my inbox. God had answered my prayer. On the day that I needed it most, He had forseen this day, He knew, and it came like a burst of light in the darkness. It absolutely made my day, more than that! And Jean told me how he thought about me, and that he had been so happy when I visited him at his school, and that now I was gone, he was very sad, but he will never forget me and he thinks about "all the good things I did". I love this kid to bits.

How amazing is God. That just absolutely blows me away. But that's who God is. It just reminded me of how caring He is, how much of a Father He is, and how much He understands my needs, my heart, my desires. He cares for the little things. He knew this day was coming and how I would feel. I asked for one thing today, and He gave it to me. It wasn't a likely event, because no emails between us had worked up to this point. It was God's gift to me. There's a verse that says "How wonderful are Your gifts to me, how good they are". It's so true. God has been showing me that since I got back, and especially today. I'll tell more about the other things (the doors opening up, the connections, the generosity etc.) in another blog, things are still happening there. But for now, I wanted to share this story. Because I believe that it gives such a beautiful and clear picture of who God is and what He does for us, how much He loves us and cares for us. I LOVE that God did this for me, it means the world to me and He knew it.

God is so unbelievably incredible and His love is so amazing and unending.
He knows us and He understands. And He is always there for us. Forever.