Acceptance

During the first years after accepting God in my life, learning that I was accepted and dealing with insecurity was something I had to overcome. I was always a very insecure person, though people would say I was confident, inside I had low self esteem. Always comparing myself to others, always trying to be better and improve myself. And once I became a Christian, the struggle with my past started immediately. I questioned that I could be a Christian. I questioned that God could use me. I thought I was too messed up, had made too many mistakes. Would people accept me and love me once they found out about my past?
What I want to share here is some moments in my life with God so far that have been turning points in this area.
In the first 2 weeks after I made my decision to begin a life with God, there was a bit of a youth concert held at the church I had started attending. I went along to it and it was my first experience with God's acceptance. One of the bands sang this song, and I hung on every word. It was about someone who was questioning that they were any good to be used by God, they had a tainted past and didn't think they were worthy or able, or that God could possibly give them a fresh start. I knew exactly how that felt. It was what I'd been asking myself. But the chorus brought hope, it told the truth. I can't remember the words exactly but it talked about God coming along and forgiving everything, every little mistake, every big mistake. It said that it wasn't anything we could do but it was something God did when Jesus died on the cross. It said that yes, God could use me, He could make me new and I could start all over again. It was such a relief to hear it. God knew, they sang that song for a reason.
Further on down the track, I decided to get baptised. At this point, when I gave my testimony, I didn't go into as much detail as I do now, but I said enough. My whole family were there and all the church. After I had shared my story and after the service, so many people came up to me, telling me how much my testimony had touched them, and had given them hope. I was amazed and here came the first realisation that God could use my past. I didn't have to be ashamed of it or live in regret, but rather I could bless others by sharing my story. Another turning point.
Months later, I was at a youth conference. I'd been struggling with a particular area of acceptance. The thought of telling my future husband about my past made me feel sick. I understood that God could use my past and use me, but acceptance from people, from that one special person, was something I couldn't believe. I thought nobody would want me. God broke through that week. At the end of one of the sessions, God started dealing with this issue. I broke down and gave it to God and He showed me that He fully accepted me, He loved me unconditionally and loved me regardless. It made me realise that it didn't matter if nobody else in the world accepted me, because Jesus did, and that was everything. But it also gave me confidence that God had somebody who would be able to deal with my past and still love and accept me. It was like a huge weight had lifted off me.
There was quite a few times I was asked to share my testimony at church/youth events. Each time God challenged me to share a bit more. It came to a point where one night, God told me not to hold back, to bare my soul. Scary ask! There were people there I didn't know and people there who were close to me but didn't know the full story so I was scared of what reaction I might get. But I got up and shared everything, not holding back. After the service that night, God blessed me and showed me His grace and acceptance yet again. My friends told me that they loved me even more and admired me even more. People who didn't know me that well came up to me and startng sharing about their lives. They could relate to what I'd said. It was so amazing. Praise God that He can use everything for good.
Over the last couple of years, I've been through quite a testing time. I've had a lot of lessons to learn, a lot of issues to deal with, and have been through the fire. It was a time that God really started to prune away all the rubbish. It was a tough time, not just for me, but the people who were closest to me. I didn't make it easy for them, but through it all they stuck by me, accepting me, loving me, challenging me, speaking the truth in love and showing me amazing grace. Those people were an incredible example of God's character and have pulled me through and helped me grow. At my ugliest, they loved me and gave me grace and encouraged me to get up and keep going. Again, God was showing me that He had more for me, that no matter what, He would accept me and He would provide people in my life who also accepted me. And this isn't an ok to not learn the lesson or to treat people badly or anything like that. I'm just saying that you cannot go so far that God's grace can't reach you if you are willing to turn back to Him. His grace and acceptance was only poured out when I made a decision to turn around, to apologise, to repent, to come back to Him. Those decisions didn't make me worthy of His grace or of the friendship of those around me, but rather it was because of God's unfailing love and His decision to give me another chance. It is by God's choice that I am made worthy.
I've started to really hit a major turning point when it comes to self esteem and acceptance. It didn't happen overnight, I had 19 years of wrong thinking to unlearn, but I can confidently say that God has been so faithful and that I am at so much of a better place than I was. I have moved forward and grown. I am now beginning to love myself, to realise my potential (because it is God's potential and He has created me with an incredible vision in mind), I am more confident inside, I am more postitive and trusting, I compare myself less and less and I'm learning who I am in Christ. Sure it hasn't always been easy, there's been some times in the last couple of years I wanted to give up, I couldn't see it ever getting better, I couldn't see myself ever being able to be who I'm meant to be. But God loves us too much to leave us where we are (something someone told me when I was going through all this!). And it's true, He sees the potential in us, He sees the dreams He placed in us, He sees the impossible as possible and He won't leave us in a hole or let us get away that easily. So keep going! I am so blessed to have had some amazing people surrounding me over the last few years. God is everything I need, but He uses people as well, and without these people, I couldn't have done it. It gets better, for a while I didn't believe it, but it does, and there's nothing you can do that will make God not love you or not accept you. His grace is neverending, it will never run out, He wants to show you an amazing life if you let Him. Don't ever give up, don't ever believe you're not good enough. The God of the universe, who created the heavens and the earth, created you. It says in Psalm 139, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made, how marvelous are Your works". That's you, fearfully and wonderfully made, a marveouls work, bursting with God's dreams and potential. The reason I named this blog "Daughter of A King", is because that's who I am, I am royalty, and so are you, you are the sons and daughers of the King of Kings and you have been promised to share in His inheritance, in His love and grace, in His riches and blessings. Rise up and accept the title! Come forward and accept His gifts! He has decided you are worthy.